Knocking On Heaven's Door
by Tamsin1
Summary: I didn't like the way the writers wrote out Tess, so I'm doing it myself. Chapter 2 now up!
1. No Answers

Title: Knocking On Heaven's Door

Date Started: 20th September 2003 

Date Finished: 13th November 2003

Rating: PG (Only because of reference to death)

A/N: I didn't like the way the writers wrote Tess out, so I decided to do it my way. 

Disclaimer: Any characters you don't recognise belong to me. All the others belong to Hal McElroy, Channel 7 and Southern Cross Entertainment. 

Tess

It doesn't hurt any more. I can't feel my baby kicking. I can't feel anything. I'm lying in a big white field. I can't see where it ends. Maybe it goes forever. Maybe I can talk and see where it ends. But if I move will it hurt again? Will I feel my little baby inside me? I can't take that chance. I'll just lie here and watch to see if anything happens.  

Jo

I can't feel anything. I'm numb. I can hear sounds. But I can't figure out what it is. Is it talking? I don't know what I'm doing. Am I lying down? Or am I sitting up? My eyes are open, but I can't see anything. It's just white. Blurry white. 

Tom

"She's in shock. So's Evan." Ben said. 

"I think we all are." I replied. We are.

"They're not handling it. They've given them both sedatives. PJ's with Jo now." 

"Good. I'll stay with Evan." 

"Mm. I'm going to go see how Jo is, then speak to a doctor. I think we need some more information." Good point. We do. 

PJ

My beautiful little Jo is lying in a starch white hospital bed. She's so scared. I'm scared. I want her to wake up. I want my Jo back. Why do you keep taking my girls away from me you old bastard? God. That old dog, sitting up there in heaven watching me as and subjecting me to more and more pain as I go on with my life. I know he's got some more tricks up his sleeve. And I know he's planning something else. Something good for a change. That'll be nice. 

Tess

I can't hear the crying any more. Good. Crying is sad. I'm sad. But it doesn't hurt any more. And it feels good. But now it's different. No more pain. But now… loneliness? Am I lonely, here in my big white field that goes forever? I don't know. I don't know what I'm feeling. I'll ask someone later. 

Jonesy

I want Tess. I want the headache to stop. I want the numbness to stop. I want to talk. I want to talk to Tess. I want to tell her how much I love her. Again. Why do I get the strange feeling it's too late? Why do I feel like something's different? Nothing's different. 

Ben

Jesus, everything's going so fast now. I've got to sit down. But you can't sit down in this place, or else people will put you on a stretcher, and you'll disappear to the place where they take people who were crazy enough to sit down for a breather. No, I can't walk any more. I feel dizzy. Just sit down and put your head between your legs.

"Are you alright Sir?… Sir?" 

I can feel a hand on my shoulder. Who's calling me Sir? I haven't been called Sir since… Oh no! No, don't put me on a stretcher, don't take me away. I didn't mean to sit down, I meant to keep walking… It doesn't matter now. Everything's going to be all right. The voice calling me Sir says so. 

Tom

Two members left standing. I wonder when we'll go? Ben'll be all right. Just dizzy. Just scared for everyone. Not every one. Scared for Even, and Jo, and… Tess. Poor Tess. Poor Tess, this is the first time I've thought about her since it started. Where is she? I'd better go see her. Make sure the baby's okay. Where's the reception desk gone? There. 

"Which room can I find Teresa Gallagher in please?" 

"The morgue Sir. Y-"  

"Thank you."

Tess, what are you doing in the morgue? The body was taken to the coroner's office wasn't it? Or was it?… 

Ben

Oh God, oh God, oh God… I've gone to the place where they take people who are stupid enough to sit down for a breather. 

"Oh Sir, you're awake… you must have just had a little dizzy spell. Just lie there for a bit."

"Where am I?" 

"You're in hospital Sir, do you remember how you got here?"

"Mm… With Jo and Evan…PJ and Boss… mm." 

"Okay, just lie there for a while." 

I'm never going to escape… this could be dangerous. 

Tom

The morgue. I hate having to come in here. It's such a tragic place. Well, I'll just get Tess, then get out. 

"Hello, I'm looking for Tess."

"Oh! Sir, you gave me a shock! Ah, Tess?" It's an Indian man; he looks a little like Doctor Habibe. 

"Yes, Tess Gallagher, Sergeant?"

"Certainly," He walks over to the other side of the room, I follow him. "I'm very sorry Sir." 

"Sorry?"

"About your loss." 

"Loss?"

He opens up one of the drawers, and unzips the bag. Tess. Tess, just lying there with dark purple bruises around her neck, and a slight blue at the corners of her mouth and she's so pale, and white, and not breathing, and… 

PJ

Last member standing. God Tess, do you realise that you've put the entire station out of action? Down with you, then Jo, then Jonesy, the Ben, then… The Boss. I didn't think it was possible to make the Boss pass out. What did he go down there for? Why did he want to see her again? Tears are starting to well in my eyes. Me, crying. Next I'll be on a bed unconscious, like the rest of the team. God, I'm so confused! I don't know who I'm crying for… Jo, or Jonesy, or Boss, or Ben, or Tess, or all of us? I don't know. 

Tess

This isn't good, it's not going to plan, it's not going to plan, this is not good… ARGH! Why can't things just go RIGHT for a change? It hurts again, and all I can hear is crying… And it's making me cry… I don't want to cry. I want to go back to the feeling I had just as I got into the big white field… I wasn't lonely, and I couldn't feel my baby, and I wasn't hurting any more, and everything was perfect… now everything's changing, again! I don't want it to change. I want it to be the same as before. Back to… Back to beforeI was born. Then none of this would have ever happened. Then I wouldn't have had the sucky life that I did. Then I wouldn't have had to get pregnant by the gay doctor who I only married to save myself from me and the man I love, truly… Did I write that in the note? Did I remember everything, and everyone? What if I forgot someone? What if I forgot them, and I needed to apologise to them?!?! This is not good not good not good…

Tom

Uh-oh. Now I'm on a bed. What's happened? 

"Oh thank the Lord, he's alright." 

"Grace."

"Sh, Tom. It's okay." 

"Tess is… she's dead."

"I know. Do you remember how you got here?" 

"We were coming for the body… but it was taken to the coroner's office. Then Jo and Evan were… and then Ben… then…" 

"No Tom, that's not quite how it happened." 

"Mum?" It's Nelson. Little Nelson. I've got to sit up. 

"No Tom, just lie down for a while. What is it Nelson?"

"Ben's awake."

"Did you hear that Tom? Ben's awake."

"I've got to see her. I've got to tell him… Tess…" 

"Tom, he already knows. Nelson, go and tell Ben that Tom's in shock, then go and check on everyone else." 

"Okay. I'll come back quick." 

"Good boy."

"Grace, tell me what happened. I… I only remember bits of it."

"Tom… Tess was late to work. Jo went to see if she was okay, and didn't come back. Evan went to get her, then called for the rest of you. You went in, and Jo had passed out. Tess hung herself. That's why you all came here. There was no body in the coroner's office… that was a few weeks ago. You seemed to remember everything until you went to get her from the morgue. The boys and I arrived just after they brought you here."

Tess is dead. I can't hold back the tears anymore. 

PJ

No more, please no more. Maggie, Tess… Jo. I looked up just as Ben walked in. 

"Hey, mate, how's Jo?" He asked, sitting down, clearly agitated. 

"Same. Still asleep. What happened to you mate?" 

"I don't want to know. It's just lucky I escaped before they could drug me again."

"Did the doctor *say* you could go, or did you just get up?"

"Of course the doctor didn't just *say* I could get up. They wanted to keep me there Peej. They took me to the place where they take the people who are dumb enough to sit down for a breather, and they took me there, and they tried to keep me there, but when they weren't looking, when they weren't looking, I snuck away. Smart huh." He had started talking incredibly and insanely fast, "They could have kept me there forever, they could have. I remember they were trying to keep me there, and saying that I needed to stay there, but they meant forever, but I was smarter than that, and I got up and got out, hehehe. How's Jo?" 

"Mate, I think we should get you back into that bed."

"Mm-mm. No can do, no sir-ee. Too dangerous, they'll keep me there forever. I know. People disappear, all the time every day." I watched him on the chair for a minute or so.

"I feel dizzy Peej." 

All of a sudden, he slumped down, and fell onto the floor. 


	2. Tess's Reasons

A/N: OMG, I am SO SORRY this has taken so long. It's only short, but I just felt something had to be there. I've just been so busy lately, with school and everything, I haven't had time to update it. I'm going to start regular updates now, so brace yourselves!

Tess

Stop stop STOP. Stop it all, stop now. I take it back, I don't want to be dead, I don't want to be here, all alone, I want my baby, I want my friends, I want everyone to be okay. I want the pain to go away and I want everyone else's pain to go away. It's wrong. All of this is wrong.

I never meant for it to be like this. I never meant to hurt anyone. I never meant to be so selfish. I never thought anyone would care though. They never used to.

Tom

I've heard it dozens of times. I've seen it dozens of times. But I didn't think it was true until it happened to me. What if Tess's death was my fault? Maybe if I had have tried harder to make everyone like her. Maybe if I had insisted she came to the pub last night. Maybe if I had have called her, and asked her if she was sure. Maybe if I had have changed the shift so she started early. Maybe if I had have called her earlier. Maybe she wouldn't have done it.

Ben

I'm back there. Back at the place where they take people who are stupid enough to sit down for a breather. Maybe I shouldn't have gone to see PJ. I feel worse now. Numb. I can't feel my body. All I can feel is the throbbing pain in my head. 

PJ

"I'm not gonna leave you Joey." I whispered to Jo. "Not ever."

A few seconds later, Doctor Habibe walked into the room.

"Mr Hasham?" He greeted.

"Hey." I whispered back to him. 

"She has not woken yet?" He asked.

"No," I answered, "Not yet. When will she?"

"I gave her and your other constable the sedatives nearly three hours ago. They should be waking up within the next hour or so."

"And if she doesn't? If she stays asleep?"

"If she stays asleep, it is her own body's way of recuperating. She will just be sleeping."

"Okay."

"Are you going to be staying here until she wakes up?"

"I'm staying until she's let out."

"I see. Would you like me to organise a bed for you to sleep in?"

"No. I'll be fine. You wouldn't let her out tonight would you? No matter what she says?"

"Absolutely not. She is in no state to be out of hospital. She will most certainly be in shock when she wakes up."

"Okay. Good. Thanks."

At least my little Jo-Jo won't be going anywhere too soon.

Jonesy

The worst feeling in the world is when you want to move, to talk, to scream, and you can't.

"Jonesy" I can hear someone saying, "Are you awake yet?" He's whispering now.

Yes! Yes, I'm awake, but I can't move.

I can hear footsteps coming closer.

"Jonesy."

It's Nelson! Little Nelson Curtis!

He's holding my hand. Stretching it out. Taking something from it. What the hell am I holding? I can hear him gasping. And leaving.

So long little buddy.

Tom

"Mum! Look what I found Jonesy holding!" He cried, running into the room again.

"What is it Nelson?"

"Here."

Grace reads it.

"Oh God, poor Tess."

"What? What is it?" I asked.

"Oh Tom… I'll read it to you," Grace said, close to tears, "Hi guys. I'm so sorry I had to do this. I just couldn't live with it any more. The baby, the guilt, everything. It was all just getting too hard for me.

Jonesy… I love you. I love you so much it hurts. I wanted my baby to be yours. I wanted my marriage to be to you. I wanted to spend my entire life with you. But… Josh… he was so persuasive, and, I don't know. I regretted it every single moment of every single day from the day I married him.

Jo… I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time, all the time. It was unacceptable.

Ben… I'm so, so, so sorry I took your job. You can have it now. And please, don't feel guilty about it. It was yours, and I took it, now I'm giving it back to you.

PJ… Thanks for everything buddy. You're such a great mate. Best wishes for you and Jo okay?

And Boss… You've given me so much over the few years that I've been here. I'm so grateful for that.

Thank you all so much for everything you've given to me… I made my will out with Sanders-McPherson. I hope you're all happy with it. And I hope you are all happy. Good luck with whatever avenue of life you choose to grace with your presence. Stay safe. Love always, Tess."

I can hear her choked voice. Grace is crying. I'm crying, Nelson's crying. Everybody is crying. Except Tess. I hope she's happy.

Jonesy

I want to scream. I want to scream and shout and hit people, and be out of this place. I want to be with Tess. I want to die.

Chris

"The gang's lunches are getting cold." Sam calls from behind the bar.

"I know. If they don't come and get them within the next few minutes, I'll take them over. They're probably just busy." I call back.

"Yeah, you're probably right. I heard someone saying that some girl was found dead not long ago."

"What?" This has caught my attention. I know just about every person in Mount Thomas. If someone dies, it hurts.

"I don't know any of the details, just someone died, and there are a whole heap of cops swarming around the station." Sam says, hushing his voice, so that the customers don't hear.

"I'm going to go now." I say, getting up and grabbing the lunches.

Surely Mount Thomas's finest can handle a death on their own?


End file.
